I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
