remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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