That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
