Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
