I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
