So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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