Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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