drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
