I feel like abortions should bother me more
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
