Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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