and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
