put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
