How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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