You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
