Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
