suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
