i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
