literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
