I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
