I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
