whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
