you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
