Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
