doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
