Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
