Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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