dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
