Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
