I heard we made out
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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