Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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