Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just cropdusted the office
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
