my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nicole vs. Life
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
