I puked a lego.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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