Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
