Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize