i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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