Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
