so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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