Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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