I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
