My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
