You work out of a Hotel?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish you could order shots online.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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