im six kinds of drunk right now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
