We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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