She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
