We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wish there were birth control emojis
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
