My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
