i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
