He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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