woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
