false alarm. still invincible.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
