If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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