I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
