Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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