you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
