it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
