i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
