high people should be assigned attendants
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
