im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
