I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
PANTIES FOUND
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
