Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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