you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
