Is it because I queefed?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize