she was so not down for the gang bang
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
