I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
