Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh god it's open bar.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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