Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
