he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
