Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
