Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
