Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
