I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
